Life is hard. My precious lil brain cells have no idea when’s the first time life and hard were connected by the linking verb ‘is’ which could have an endless translations of complaints, but I reckon this is one of the unsurprising statements that would come from the mouths of anyone who’s struggling with anxiety plus paranoia (e.g. me). I suppose one wouldn’t be able to say that line without heaving a deep, deep sigh afterwards. Who wouldn’t? I mean, that just makes sense ’cause it seems like ‘sighing’ is the only option that’s left when everything feels so wrong and nothing’s going your way, right? Yes, said I.
This is why we need someone (or something) we can hold on to while going through these phases in life; that we could consider as our factory of strength. ‘No man is an island’, a long-lived adage, still proves its accuracy even up until today. I admit I can’t do everything all by myself. What I am right now and what I have become isn’t a product of me doing things alone. Life is a drama. There’s a lot of characters involved in it. And if you can’t handle the drama anymore, here’s a starter pack to stay motivated. Well, at least for me.
Just a reminder, I am not jotting this down in a certain order but I feel like I have to point out my main source of strength first of all. I am aware that you and I could have different beliefs but whatever it is, I believe that you really need to have someone who will back you up even in the worst of times. Your God may be different from mine but respect is the best thing we could give to each other. Anyway, I have this constant goal which is to give back all the glory to God even with the little things I do. I actually learned that I don’t owe it to anyone to prove the power of faith that I have especially if they won’t really believe in it. As long as I continue living the life God has given me, I will and I can jump through an endless pile of hurdles that awaits me in any part of the way.
Instead of wishing for another set of circumstance, I must accept what’s been given to me and face it even if a slash of light is all I have to keep me from losing the only hope I got. God will sustain me today – this is a daily reminder I etch in my head every time anxiety starts to creep up with a basket of negativities. And to tell you honestly, encountering this just highlighted how God’s goodness can be seen through me. I believe that letting me go through and get through these rough days is His one way of making me an instrument so that I could be of help to others who’s going through the same. That’s basically it.
Long time ago, beside the shore that glistened orange, someone told me that the value I’d give to my family would be greater than anything else. Let me call it the sunset memory. What? I just think it deserved a title. Well, he just sort of ‘read’ not just me but my other friends as well (I’m not sure if that’s the right word but that’s how far my mind could go). I was too young back then but strangely, that memory never got old for the present me whose recollection of things is becoming feeble and faulty and rusty and all. I’ve always realized it to be true, anyway. Whatever happens in my family affects me in so many ways. When they’re happy, I’m the happiest; when they’re sad, I’m the saddest as well. Their impact is that big to me ’cause they have been my source of strength since day one. I am sooo beyond grateful to be a part of a family with a strong bond. And when I say family, it already encompasses my cousins and aunts and uncles and other relatives. Just the thought of having them is enough to boost up my willingness to keep going. Their existence is one big blessing to my existence. I couldn’t ask for more.
This tweet could be a cheesy one or a sincere one. I’ll let you decide. Ha! Kidding. Of course, I typed every single letter, formed this sentence with every word straight from the heart. School could be stressful. Ah, no! School is stressful. It’s obviously the main cause of pressure and anxiety for me and probably for others in my age, duh. I feel bad for saying this but sometimes, I can only feel the drive to attend school because I know I have friends around who’ll be with me along the day. I can learn from them and they can learn from me too (like my humour-deficient jokes). Well, I kinda feel guilty because my enthusiasm in school isn’t the same as before – that’s when life was still elementary, wonderful reader. But oh, don’t get me wrong! This girl right here already made a bunch of speeches on how school could deliver me to death (without any shipping fees) but I’m not ditching it – even though I kept relating school to Azkaban too. If this is mathematics, I guess we can apply reflexive property for these two. School = Azkaban. Azkaban = School. All in favor say aye! All those opposed say aye, anyway. Here’s one truth about me, though: I don’t slack off (or maybe I sometimes do?). Getting my card lipsticked is a big no-no! It could make me crumble any time, dearest reader. And I’m not sure if you’ll believe me but I’m not friends with cheating and ever since the world began I taught myself not to do it (or maybe I already did every time I check my faulty memory for an answer and I accidentally heard the whispers of my classmates? Oops.)
You might find it funny how food could be a remedy to anxiety and paranoia but every time I hear dinner plans and celebrations, I feel motivated to do the things I needed to finish, that minutes ago are delayed because of my procrastination. I’m granting you the permission to call me weird but food is undoubtingly a source of energy! Whenever that four letter word makes its way into my ears, my insides will suddenly go pirouetting and somersaulting, causing me to function properly. What a wonderful world! It’s truly a bliss to be born as a human who can eat and taste yummy foods!
I don’t know if you’ve read my Blogpost #3: An Appreciation Post to My First Love, but if you did, then I guess you know how music fuels my entire being (and thank you!) I have to tell you that music is a blessing from the heavens above! A daily dose of music is something I’d be willing to take without any hesitation. It just sets up the mood! When music starts filling the air, that would be the cue for me to think about things and I’d eventually dive into my realm of thoughts where I feel like I’m in a whole new world. Anxiety will feed you lies. It will poison your mind and you’ll be left crippled and helpless. And that, my dear, is the reason why I always choose something that would revive me just like how I always play Peace by Hillsong on repeat whenever my heart is not at rest. Sometimes, just listening to the right music will do to get you back to your senses. Why don’t you give it a try?
Again, for the nth time, I feel burdened. A lot. Yes, I am still an 18-year old lass poring over academic books and studies ‘til dawn (literally). Yes, I am still one of those folks wearing black shoes, pleated green skirt, and ribboned white blouse, leaves home early in the morning (around 6:45 AM to be exact) and goes home at night (7 draining PM), which means my body and soul can only be found in school for around twelve long hours at most and yes, for five times a week! Not to mention my precious weekend I’ve sacrificed for practice, assignments, and whatnot (like okay, I’m a school devotee for my 18 years of existence, hooray! Add my personal problems to that and you’ll get the sum of WEARINESS.)
How am I still breathing despite all that? I actually have similar queries to myself from time to time. But thanks to my fangirling life, mystery unlocked! You see, fangirling isn’t just about looking for visuals and screaming and doing fanchants. In behalf of the fangirling/fanboying community, I wanna stress out the fact that we find inspirations from the people we learned to love and support. Knowing their existence can make us appreciate the beauty of living in this world in the same lifetime as them and in the verge of giving up, we learn not to. Though personally, I think we also need to check if we are rooting for the right person who could be a good influence to us. Let ourselves be inspired in a good way!
Is it too vainglorious to say that myself motivates myself? Or is it an Apollo-stricken trait I got from fangirling over the sun god? Who knows? But I believe that one must learn to love oneself. Even if the rest of the world doesn’t believe in you, you must believe in you. It isn’t right to be the first one to victimize your own mind and underestimate what you have. The pressure may be suffocating but the trust you’ve planted to yourself will be the breath that keeps you alive. Sometimes, depending on others isn’t convenient especially in moments where you feel so down and low – which is why giving yourself a good amount of importance is a suggestion from yours truly. Just don’t overdo it. Appreciate your existence as much as you appreciate others’. Give yourself a mantra that would remind you not to give up. Let me leave a note here: you can think of giving up but never give up. Life is tough but you are also tough. You are living a purpose-driven life – even if it doesn’t seem like it.
So, there you have it! That’s how I continue to live despite the despise. Now I just hope I somehow motivated you in this blogpost. Even if there’s only one person who benefited from this, it’s so good to know I didn’t made this in vain. All the best and stay motivated!
Point to Ponder:
Life is hard. It is made that way so you could discover the purpose of your existence and the worth of life itself. Anxiety comes which might plant doubts on your heart and mind but I really believe you can find motivations anywhere. Only if you’ll be willing to open your eyes and get to know them.
What keeps you motivated?
Please do share your thoughts in the comment section and click the eensy-weensy star if you like this blogpost. Many thanks from me to you!